“I can’t do this,” I thought as fear crippled me just this past week. My heart was in my stomach as I was faced with a major decision: fearless or fearful. It was mine to choose. I’ll get to that in just a moment.
First I want to start with this: what is fearless? I mean, truly what makes a person fearless? Is it jumping from an airplane, plunging at an outrageous speed towards the earth, only to be rescued in the end by a parachute and a prayer? Or is it giving a speech to hundreds of people while they all stare directly at you? Although these are definitely examples of extreme bravery, I believe being fearless can be a little more subtle, but just as powerful.
I am a courageous person in many ways, but what I’ve realized over time is I’ve allowed fear to stop me from living in the complete victory that God has for me. The biggest area I’ve recently seen this in is how I love others. I am scared to be vulnerable. I’m scared of rejection. Ooooooo, that’s a big one. It’s easier to put up a wall and watch love from afar then to allow it in. I’m here to tell you that only lasts for so long before life makes you bitter.
I believe fearlessness isn’t a lack of being scared at times, but having the faith in Jesus to know He has your back. He’s what I call your “Ride and DIED” friend. Get it? He died for you. Instead of Ride or Die. Ha. Ha. Yeah.
This past week at church youth camp where I was volunteering, I was faced by a situation where an old friend walked in unexpectantly, but I completely owed her an apology as well. It was the first time I had seen her since I wronged her and fell into a temptation that in return, hurt her. Sin tends to hurt more than just the active sinner. I didn’t know how she’d receive me. She didn’t see me at first but as soon as I saw her my heart dropped into my gut. I darted in the other direction. I sat in service and I couldn’t shake the feelings of shame and guilt. The worship band came up and the song they sang hit my heart. The lyrics were:
“I’m no longer a slave to fear. I am a child of God.”
As I sang this song, I remember telling God I am too scared to go to her. What if she REJECTS me? Remember that little fear of mine? I could be completely denied, and I honestly couldn’t fully blame her. But as they continued to sing, God told me, Listen to what you are currently singing as we speak!
I’M NO LONGER A SLAVE TO FEAR! I AM A CHILD OF GOD!
I believe that song was God-ordained for that exact moment. It was what I needed to put my big girl pants on, suck it up, and be FEARLESS in a moment that the devil tried all he had to cripple me. Each step I took to her was a punch in his face. I got to her and she actually smiled and embraced me. I was shocked. Tears poured as I told her I was so sorry. She told me she forgave me and loved me. I tell you in all my years that was one of the most freeing moments I’ve had. I was free of the guilt and shame that God had already forgiven me for. It wasn’t just because of her approval either. It was because I operated in bravery instead of fear. Had I allowed myself to be crippled and not have done that, I would have lived with that regret forever.
You may wrestle lions or shoot bad guys, and that’s cool, I guess. But if you aren’t allowing the Holy Spirit to guide your decisions, even the hard ones, you really aren’t that fearless after all. Fearless confidence is usually still and almost quiet at times. Insecurities and fear are usually way louder and spastic. And again, it doesn’t mean you won’t be scared in the process. I was shaking last week as I walked towards my friend. But it’s what you do in those moments that define your walk.
If you are struggling with being fearless in areas, take a moment to remember exactly who you belong to. Fear is NEVER from God, unless it’s a reverence of Him. Fear is a weapon of the devil. But guess what?
NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST YOU SHALL PROSPER.
You know why? BECAUSE YOU HAVE ALL AUTHORITY OVER SATAN! He’s literally under your feet! Well, that’s unless you lift your foot up and allow him to sneak up and entertain your mind. Been there, done that, too.
I’m learning everyday to challenge myself in this. This is a huge generational curse in my family. I’m talking medical phobias and mental illnesses passed down through the generations. I’m here to break those curses in the name of Jesus. I want to live fearlessly. I want to LOVE fearlessly, not because of who I am, but because of who HE is.
God is love, and perfect love casts out fear. I’m so grateful He has my back. He has yours today as well. “Ride AND DIED.” 😉