My heart was shattered into a million pieces, and my stomach felt like it had been suckered punched as I saw graphic photos of women on a phone screen. Thoughts began to flood my mind.
“Why am I not enough?”
“What does she have that I don’t?”
“I am now a fraction when I was supposed to be a whole piece.”
Being the wife of a man with a stronghold of lust can be downright devastating. I am not writing this to shame my husband. Instead, I believe God challenged me to write it for two reasons.
- I believe my wounds are very fresh, and this will be a way to help the healing process.
- Most importantly, I believe the enemy would love to isolate and shame me, stopping me from potentially helping someone else who is in my exact same shoes and feeling helpless.
In my own story, I married a man who was molested as a young child for many years. He was exposed and opened to things he should have never been. Although he went through a lot of healing in many areas for his past, this was a very touchy subject, as it is for many men who walk through abuse. I had never been sexually abused, so I was even more careful not to try to force any discussions other than what he was comfortable with.
I was a virgin until I married my husband. I have only been with him sexually. Although I am very happy about this, I believe it made this lust issue a harder pill to swallow. I saved myself for him in this area, so the betrayal felt even stronger.
Through the years we had grown closer to God and each other in so many areas. I thought this issue was over. I guess I never even saw it as big of a stronghold as it was. I always thought it was drug related when he used in the past, or it was just a slip up. The enemy loves to deceive us.
Just in this past 5 months or so I realized the lust issue was back. Well, it was always there, but it was no longer laying dormant. I started feeling very cheap in ways myself. Sex felt no longer like love-making but an act of momentary satisfaction. I can be transparent enough to say I am still not healed in this area completely.
For a while, I felt like I was replaceable. I felt that I could easily be traded out for a woman on social media. I was once again a fraction, when he was my whole. Add to that an already sinking self-esteem you have an absolute recipe for disaster.
I had to learn some hard truths in my despair. First of all, I had to see that his lust issue 100% HAD NOTHING TO WITH ME, MY ABILITIES AS A WIFE, MY APPEARANCE, OR SHORTCOMINGS. That was huge for me. I had to figure out that even in hurting me, I was unfortunately just collateral damage in his spiritual battles. I also had to see this as what it was, A TACTIC OF THE DEVIL HIMSELF TO DESTROY MY HUSBAND AND MY FAMILY. He comes to kill, steal, and destroy, and the place he loves to do it the most is in the family. If he can divide, he can conquer, especially if he can get the leader of the home first.
Once we were able to see what was happening, we were now equipped to fight. God will allow darkness to come to light. Finding out my husbands secrets were devastating but a relief at the same time. The truth was now out, and the enemy was exposed. We both had a choice in what we did with that.
I can say that my husband is finally starting to walk through deeper healing of his sexual abuse and confronting the root of his lust issue. I believe society makes men seem like they are wired to be sexual and lustful, but that is also a perverted truth. The truth is God created sex to be beautiful between spouses. The devil came in and twisted it, and being a “player” should never be celebrated. I’m now raising 3 boys who I will do everything I can to always teach them to value woman and be gentlemen in a world that would promote everything against that.
I am still in the healing process today. I forgive my husband for the years off and on of enduring this and can now see where the devil was the enemy in this all. I have faith that as we move further past this, I will be see sex and love once again as what it was created to be. I believe God is healing not just me, but the little boy inside of my husband who was completely violated and tortured for so long. That is the power of God.
If you are the victim of someone else’s lust issues, know that in your pain, YOU ARE ENOUGH. You are never the problem. You are actually the solution. If you yourself are dealing with this stronghold, you need to treat it as what it is, a weapon of an enemy who wants to destroy you and your loved ones. It may seem like simple, harmless pleasure, but momentary quickly turns into all-consuming and devastates everyone involved. There is healing and deliverance in Jesus. It’s never too late.
Only the Lord Almighty can trade our shame for our freedom song.