It’s been a daily ritual lately for me.
I go to get dressed every morning. I stand under the unforgiving light in my closet in front of an equally unforgiving mirror. I look at myself, dissecting every part of my body that I’m unsatisfied with. Unsatisfied is putting it nicely. I pull, pinch, shake my head, and get dressed, hating the vision I see in the mirror.
The sad thing is I’ve been in this position before. I even PREACH this to women. I’m a personal trainer! It adds more my shame. How am I supposed to talk to ANYONE about loving and accepting theirself and making healthy changes, when I’m standing here doing the opposite?
My struggles with losing weight lately and my hormonal imbalance cause me to feel like a failure. I am not working right now as a trainer as much because I stay home with my kids, but even the thought of applying for a fitness job stops me dead in my tracks. “They will never hire me. They will judge me. I can’t even lose weight myself. How will they believe I can help a client?”
It’s an awful, vicious cycle. This is a horrible stronghold in my life. The enemy has wrecked my mind for too long. And I’m ready for a change.
This may be a new weight loss/self-acceptance journey, but I’m going back to the basics. It boils down to one life-changing principle, YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF WHERE YOU ARE TO GET TO WHERE YOU NEED TO BE. It doesn’t mean that you just say, “I love myself so bring on the buffet!” It means that you love yourself ENOUGH to give yourself the best.
God loves you at a size 4 or 24. His love for you won’t change or be greater if you go from a 24 to a 4. So why should we be any different towards ourselves? If you think you’ll just love yourself when you get to a certain weight, you’ll find something else to hate later. It’s much deeper than that. This is hard. I understand that more than you know. How do you just wake up and stop hating the person you see in the mirror?
It takes a supernatural revelation from the Holy Spirit! It takes seeking God like never before, just as you would for any addiction or stronghold. I used to feel intimidated to pray or seek God about something as silly as my weight. “He’s God! He has way more important things to take care of!” But God is omnipresent, and if anything concerns or hurts our hearts, it concerns and hurts his as well.
You may not get down to that size you think you need to be. I know my body and I’m not ever going to be a size 4. But I believe God can give you peace about the size that is the healthiest for your custom-made, one-size-does-NOT-fit-all frame. It’s about being the best YOU that you can be.
I know stress has played a MAJOR factor in my latest struggles. I believe God has showed me I’m carrying a lot of “extra weight” on the inside and it’s manifesting on the outside. I want to lose weight not just on my tummy and thighs, but also in my spirit and soul. This is more than just what size my jeans are. This is my joy, my peace, my life.
Today I’m taking the steps to destroy the morning mirror ritual. I am seeking God in this area like never before. I’m cleaning out the “junk,” and in that, I believe I’ll begin to lose the weight as well.
God loves me. He created me in my mother’s womb. He intricately constructed me as his masterpiece. I belong to him.
So what is there to hate? ❤